Sometime in the past week I was in a meeting and someone talked about achieving results.  The person mentioned that big change does not happen all at once, rather change and results happen over time in small increments.  The older I get, the more I know that this is completely true.  If you want to achieve something, it is going to take time, hard decisions, discipline and work – and, it probably wil not happen overnight.

When I was a younger person, I would have listened to that person in the meeting and maybe nodded my head, but inside I would have disagreed.  Change can come fast and you just need to push hard right?  Wrong.  You can get fast change but so often that change does not last.  Let me tell you two quick stories.

1)  Once upon a time there was a man who in his thirties who one day looked into the mirror and realized that he was 30 lbs overweight.  Did that weigh gain happen in one day?  No, it happened over a few years day by day.  The slow creep of weight gain snuck up on him and it did not hit him until one day it did.  So one day he decided to make a change and start tracking all his calories and seeing what he was eating on a daily basis.  Over time he set a goal and started to work towards that goal, day by day, month by month.  Over time the weight came off.  But it took six months.  There were ups and downs but in the end that man was able to stay within his target weight for over two years.  Change that lasts, and results that last, happen slowly over time.

2)  Once upon a time there was a young eager leader who was working with a group of students in an organization and wanted to bring about fast change.  The group of students he worked with were part of an organization that was slowly declining in influence over time and were averse to change.  We always have done things a certain way, was their rallying cry.  They were stuck.  This young eager leader implemented some change and radically changed some of what these students were used to doing on a day to day and weekly basis.  Change happened amidst grumbling but some results were achieved.  The young eager leader thought he was successful in bringing change and results.  Fast forward to that leader leaving that organization and then hearing the minute he left things started to change back to the way they were.  The change reversed!  The group went back to doing the same things they had always done.  Results achieved?  Change happens?  Maybe in the short term, but for lasting change and results there is no such thing as quick and easy.

You may have guessed by now both of those stories are from my own personal journey.  As I look to be someone who makes things better wherever I am as a leader, I know that I need to work hard each day in the details to bring about lasting change and achieve results, you need to do it day to day.  Then one day you will look and the change and results you want to have happen will be there – and they will last.

Do you know how you impact others on a daily basis?  Are you aware how when you say, do, etc – how people react?  I think the more self-aware you are as a person the more effective you will be in life.   Your self-awareness must come first before you can have a good idea about how other people are reacting to you.

During the past year I read a book on body language that opened my eyes to a variety of things people do to indicate how they are feeling and thinking without saying a word.

What about when people are saying one thing, but their body is indicating they may not really believe what they are saying?

Yes – people will say one thing but be thinking something totally different.

Reading this book, “What every body is saying,” by Joe Navarro opened my eyes to a whole new world.  I felt like I have missed so much of people were saying with their body language all my life, and now I pick up on a lot more.  Joe Navarro was an FBI agent who would interrogate people and try and figure out if they were telling the truth in the hopes of solving some case.  Now he is one of the leading body language experts in the world.

Why is understanding people’s body language important to understanding how they are reacting to you?  It has everything to do with this.  If you ask someone a tough question and they start touching their neck or looking away from you might indicate you are making them nervous or they want to avoid the question.  Maybe you should back off a bit and ease your approach.

In the past year I have worked hard on picking up on signals from people so my approach with them is the best it can be.

Years ago I would never have known if I was running someone over by going to fast or being more intense than was necessary.  Now, I take note, slow down and try to maintain a non-anxious presence to help keep any situation calm and the waters smooth.

As some of you know, I travel a lot.  Airports are havens for mass anxiety.  People are in a hurry, mad, frustrated, stressed and very anxious.  I have fallen into this trap myself and work hard to take the stress out of traveling.  I get to the airport earlier than I used to, and other things to try and not get stressed and anxious.

Airport staff respond so well to non-anxious people because they are a refreshing change from the high anxiety travelers they are constantly dealing with.  I think everyone responds better to people who are non anxious.

As we head into this year, how can you think about how you are impacting people on a day to day basis?   How can you be less anxious in stressful situations?  I think as you work on those things you will have more satisfying results in your life.

What say you?  How do you deal with anxiety?  How do you deal with stress?